81. Vanna Speaks by Vanna White

I remember my friend Jeff telling me ages ago how good Vanna Speaks was. He kindly lent me a few books to read, and I made sure this was one of them.

At last, VANNA SPEAKS...and tells her fabulous story. You'll meet a celebrity it's impossible not to love...the girl-next-door who fantasized about being famous -- and worked to make it happen...the young model in Atlanta setting out in a rented U-Haul to see her fortune in Hollywood...the struggling starlet falling in love, surviving heart-breaking tragedy, and getting both lucky and tough breaks...and finally, the glamorous star, who after a decade of hard work, achieved "overnight success" and national fame on Wheel of Fortune. Sweet, sexy, candid and always herself, here is the real Vanna -- and the inspiring story of her breathtaking dream come true. 

Summary taken from the back cover of the paperback published in (hold on to your hats) 1987. Have you ever seen so many ellipses in your life?

Can I just start out by saying that this book is fabulous? There are so many elements of the ridiculous! I love how unintentionally hilarious Vanna is. She starts out the book with her morning routine, includes her favorite afghan pattern and has an entire chapter on the inner workings of Wheel of Fortune, including answers to her top ten most frequently asked questions. And her cats are (or at this point were, I guess) named Rhett and Ashley -- and she claims that this is not after Gone With the Wind. Wowza. I love it. 

Although Vanna has been dealt some tough breaks, namely the untimely deaths of her mother and boyfriend, she seems to have had an overall pretty vanilla, charmed, Norman Rockwell-esque existence. I think she's pretty anxious to downplay that; she's very insistent about the fact that hers was not an overnight success but rather took years of struggle. At one point, she describes feeling particularly low and not taking care of herself physically:

"At that rate it didn't take me very long to balloon up to over 130 pounds, between 20 and 25 pounds above my ideal weight."

Please keep in mind that Vanna is only 5'6". This is only about an inch taller than me and I hover between 130 and 135 lbs. Next time you see me, take stock and let me know if I should lose 20 to 25 pounds to achieve my ideal weight. Sigh. I may have cussed a little when I reached this point of the book. I mean, really.

But I can't stay mad at Vanna, because she goes to say stuff like this:

"Being on the show has also presented me with opportunities to do things that I'd never dreamed I'd do, like hula-hooping on national television."

Oh, Vanna. I'm very glad that you have finally spoken.